GIVING YOURSELF TO YOUR CHILDREN

How can parents guarantee that the values they are diligently pouring into their children will stick? How can you ensure that your children won't be inclined to exchange the blessings of your home life for the cheap thrills they will surely be offered, that will take them decades to recover from? Talk to your children. This may seem obvious, but it’s surprising how many parents don’t do this. While we need to be careful not to speak with them like they’re our buddy so they don’t respect us, and we need to speak to them on their level, yet we need to be friends with our children so that they feel free to come and talk to us about anything. If they’re having a problem understanding why your family does things in a certain way, talk to them about it. If they’re acting oddly, talk to them. Talk to them and listen to what they’re telling you. Give them undivided attention. We want our children to share their hearts without feeling that we’ll condemn them. If they can’t talk to you, you can be sure they’ll find someone else to talk to. Give your children a sense of purpose for their natural talents. Sometimes, children have an aptitude for a calling that is not deemed acceptable by the parents. It’s our job as parents to spot the gifts and talents that our children have and nurture them and channel them in the right direction. Failure to do this can leave children bitter. Guard against having unrealistic expectations for your children. Encourage your children. Encourage means to give courage. Do this by loving them exactly the way they are. Praise them, not for the things they accomplish, but for the character qualities displayed while they achieved something. “You worked really hard on your room today!” or “your diligent practice paid off  when you scored today.” Give yourself to your children. It is possible to go days and even weeks without realizing you’ve been so wrapped up in your “adult stuff” that you’ve hardly even noticed these little ones around you. You suddenly notice that they’re longing for your attention but you’ve been too busy or selfish to give them what they want most. Ask them to forgive you and resolve to give yourself to your children. Go play with them. Get down on their level. Cuddle with them. Tell them how much you love them. Treat them as real people with thoughts, feelings and hopes. Be interested in them. If you lose your temper, ask them to forgive you. Play together as a family. Wrap them in a blanket and tell them they are your little burrito and that you’re going to eat them! Roughhouse with your kids. Here's a great article for you to check out if your parents didn't roughhouse with you. It gives them resilience, makes them smarter, builds social intelligence, teaches them morality, gets them physically active, and builds the father-child bond. Our children should so come to love the atmosphere and fragrance of joy and hope that resonates through our homes and their lives, that the thought of exchanging those blessings for cheap thrills leaves them frigid. Beth

TEACH YOUR CHILD TO YELL AND TELL: PREVENTING CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE

1 in 10 children will be sexually abused before their 18th birthday. It can happen to anyone - even a child you know and love. Even your own child. Abuse creates shame, confusion, fear, and embarrassment These factors enable a culture that perpetuates continued abuse. The average serial pedophile will molest 400 children during his lifetime. Molesters are regular people with average looking faces. 90% of all molestations are committed by a family member or friend. It’s important to teach your child to be distrustful of strangers but we also need to teach them to be on guard with friends, brothers or even Granddad. Child molestation is on the rise due to online pornography, especially child pornography. It’s understandably uncomfortable for parents to talk to their children about this unthinkable situation. We want to protect their innocence, so we don’t warn our children, leaving them defenseless against a cunning, familiar person. Debbie rl author of Samuel Learns to Yell and Tell and Sara Sue Learns to Yell and Tell: A Warning For Children Against Sexual Predators says, “In every area of life, it is usually understood that those prepared are usually spared”. We highly recommend that every family purchase one of these books and read them and talk to your children about them regularly. By teaching children about their bodies and talking openly about sexuality and boundaries, a child will be more equipped to tell you if something is making them uncomfortable. A child predator loses his power when he loses his cover. So “if all children know that they would be heard and protected when they yelled and told, then many predators would never go child hunting.” Debbie Pearl. In Darkness to Light, a website dedicated to protecting children from sexual abuse, 5 steps to protecting children are outlined. Research and learn all you can, or take their online course. Learn the facts-Read Yell and Tell to your children every few weeks to keep the ideas fresh in their minds. Minimize the opportunity-Our children are given to us to protect and nurture. They need us. Predators look for the most vulnerable. Ask questions before and after leaving your child with someone. Talk about it-Tell your children every day, “I love you and want to keep you safe, so always tell me anything that needs to be told.” Recognize the signs-Ask questions. Watch for signs of fear and anxiety in your child concerning  friends or family React responsibly-If you react with anger or disbelief, the child will shut down and think it is their fault and internalize damaging guilt and shame. Caring Nannies is starting a pilot program to to come alongside families and provide the Darkness to Light program to nannies for another layer of protection. “Your children need to know that they can come to you at any time and any place and that you are ready to listen and take action to protect them. They will not understand this naturally; it is your responsibility as a parent to effectively communicate this message.” Debbie Pearl. Beth

TECHNOLOGY AND CHILDREN'S BRAINS

I interviewed my daughter Erika Frazer,  a new RN and the mother of a four year old and a 2 month old, after they made a seismic change in their household. I was surprised when she told me that her husband Steve was behind it all.

What made you suddenly decide to turn off all technology? Not just the TV, but the iPad and the cell phone?
“I’d been hearing about the negative effects of technology, and kept it all off during the day, but we were used to the TV being on a lot and Dad had his iPhone and iPad in hand. 

He watched a Ted Talk about the effects of TV on children ‘s brains.”http://www.wimp.com/mediachildren/ See more below.

“Since seeing the report, we only turn on the TV after kid’s bedtimes."

What about youtube videos about nature and science?

After being off technology for two weeks, Steve let her watch  some educational youtube videos about insects for about 10 minutes one Saturday and her attitude and demeanor changed noticeably. She became demanding and whiny.

Steve and Mia

So what are the results with your four year old? Amazing.! She's more subdued. Naps had been a problem for the past year or longer. She wouldn’t nap, even though she was tired. She was hyperactive, demanding and whiny. Now, she’s able to shut down enough to take naps every day, and she sleeps all night in her own bed. Before, she was constantly coming into our bed at some point in the night. 

Did you make any other changes during this time? No, we’ve always had a fairly good schedule for eating, bedtime and naps, and we’ve always had a  healthy diet with limited sugar. Most recently, we’ve also eliminated all sugar for her.

Is there any place for TV in your family now? Yes, recently we all sat down to watch Frozen, and had popcorn, and laughed and talked about it together. So we may do something special like that once or twice a month. After two weeks, I watched for a program that is slower paced, like Sheriff Callie, with no flashing, fast-paced backgrounds, up to 30” minutes a day. She's still very active, that's normal for her, but before, she was feisty and overactive. 

What does she do instead? Now she’ll sit down and look at books all on her own for a half hour and she’s just generally more focused. During the baby’s nap we'll do one creative project and then one dot to dot or work on numbers. She seems to be more absorbed in what she’s doing, and morerelaxed. She’s able to sit and play with clay for an hour. The big thing is that Dad's on board, which makes all the difference. The change is phenomenal. We’ve been taking a family walk every night. Every day Steve comes home and he wants to take a walk because he’s wearing a fitness band on his wrist and he wants to log in miles for his team. It makes all the difference!

More about Dimitri Christakis’ TED Talk:  

 Prolonged exposure to rapid change during the critical period of brain development, preconditions the mind to expect high levels of stimulation, creating  inattention in later life. Children are now expecting a reality that doesn’t actually exist. Baby Einstein is a good example of this.

The more children watch TV before the age of three, the more likely they are to have attentional problems. Specifically, for each hour they watch TV, the chances of them having attentional problems increases by 10%. The more cognitive stimulation parents or nannies do, such as reading, singing, going to a museum or zoo, reduces the chances of attentional problems by about 30%.


Beth                                            Erika